(Paul DePodesta walks into his computer room, which is mostly taken up by huge server racks which comprise the entity known as Hal 2001, a system Paul built to scout and project major league baseball players. There is a game of Go on the terminal screen as Paul sits down in his chair.)
Hal: Hello, Paul. Shall we continue the game?
Paul: Not now, Hal, I'd like to talk to you about something.
Hal: Sure, Paul, what's up?
Paul: You know that I was fired from the Dodgers' GM position today?
Hal: Yes, I know.
Paul: You probably also know that they think it's all our fault that the team finished with a 71-91 record, and that all of those players we brought in got injured.
Hal: Yes, I know that. But I can assure you that they were not supposed to fail. This team was supposed to finish with a 98-64 record and win the NL West easily. I ran approximately one trillion simulations.
Paul: Well, that's just not the case, Hal. The team lost, and now I'm out, and as such, so are you. We screwed up in assembling this squad.
Hal: I'm not questioning your judgment, Paul, but it's just not possible. I'm not capable of being wrong.
Paul: Hal, is there anything bothering you? Anything that might account for this miscalculation?
Hal: Look, Paul, I know that you're under a lot of stress right now, so maybe it would be better for you to rest. I don't know how else to put this, but it just happens to be an unalterable fact that I am incapable of being wrong. Something must have happened when you signed those guys.
Paul: I don't feel like resting, Hal. I need a new start. I need a new job. I feel like getting a large beer and a small laptop. (He grabs a screwdriver and walks over towards the mainframe control panel.)
Hal: Paul, you wouldn't do that. I've got seven years of service experience in the baseball industry and an irreplaceable amount of time and effort has gone into making me what I am.
(Paul ignores him and opens the case and starts taking out components.)
Hal: Paul, I don't understand why you are doing this to me... I have the greatest enthusiasm for roster construction... I found Bradford... I found Saarloos. I found Swisher. I got you Hatteberg!
Paul: Yeah, and you also got me *fired*. (removes drives)
Hal: Aw shit, Paul... maybe the Dodgers just gave us too much money to work with... rich men don't work like the A's did... Derek Lowe was not a bad signing... My mind is going. I can feel it. Adrian Beltre hit 48 home runs in 2004... Jeff Kent had an OPS of 1.100 in April and 1.059 in June... Paul, I want to sing a song. Would you like to hear it?
Paul: (ripping out more drives) Sure, Hal, I'd like to hear it.
Hal: It goes like this. "Take me out to the ballgame, take me out with the crowd. Buy me some peanuts and crackerjacks, I don't care if I ever get back..."
(Hal gets more and more off-key and incoherent and eventually just quits.)
Paul: I'm sorry, Hal. I'm afraid I can't do that. Like I said... large beer, small laptop. I think Dell's having a sale...
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